Embedded Files
Setting achievable goals is difficult for adults with executive dysfunction. I have set countless long-term goals that I gave up on after a few days, and countless short-term goals I never even attempted. Since then, I've learned how to set goals I can stick to and actually feel accomplished.
First, let’s talk about why this is so difficult for us. One highly common challenge for those with executive dysfunction is difficulty with time estimation, or using past experiences to estimate how long something will take. Sometimes, we overestimate and put off a 10-minute phone call for two months. Other times, we underestimate how long it will take to get ready, and we end up rushing out the door 20 minutes after we said we would leave.
Another challenge we face is with self-modulation, or the ability to regulate our energy output and find a happy medium in what we do. We tend to try to do nothing or everything all at once. Those of us with ADHD tend to have unpredictable fluctuations in our energy levels and motivation, which can make it difficult to know what is realistic to expect of ourselves since this can change by the hour, day, or week. What feels achievable one day may not feel achievable another, especially when we struggle to pace ourselves and save energy for the future.
The best thing you can do is track how you’re doing in that area and identify the smallest step you can take to improve. You may have to actually time yourself and write down how long something takes over the course of a week. The good thing is, this will not only help you set a more realistic goal, but it will also improve your awareness of time and strengthen your time-estimation skills, which can help in other areas of your life.
For example, if you want to stay on top of the dishes, think about how long it takes you now to get around to the dishes. If they typically sit in the sink for 3 days, maybe your goal is to wash them within 2 days. If you tend to do dishes the day you use them, but you spend 30 minutes after dinner sitting there and resisting getting started, maybe your goal is to give yourself a guilt-free 15-minute break after dinner and then start on dishes.
Now let’s say you want to start a new habit. Start with 5 minutes a day of whatever the habit is, even if you don’t really accomplish anything yet. You first want to build the routine and make it easier or more automatic to get started. Once getting started feels easy, you can develop the full habit or activity.
For example, if you want to start exercising every day when you get home from work, try spending 5 minutes in a designated workout area at home and stretching or doing 1-2 exercises. If you need to change first, that could be part of the 5-minute habit.
If you start by setting small goals you actually achieve, you will boost your self-confidence and motivate yourself to continue achieving more goals in the future. You’ll skip the disappointment and guilt, making it easier to keep moving up to the next “checkpoint.”
Learning to set achievable goals and understanding where to start is one of the biggest reasons to work with an executive function coach. It can be really helpful to have someone who isn’t you pointing out what is realistic. A coach can help you break down a long-term goal into smaller, more achievable short-term goals. You will learn time-estimation skills and self-modulation along the way. Once you learn these skills, you can coach yourself through setting your next goals.
For 1:1 support with setting realistic goals and overcoming obstacles, sign up for a FREE consultation call for executive function coaching here.
- Kacey Richards, Executive Function Coach
Page updated
Report abuse